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Watch Dogs Legion: how to talk like a fackin future fackin cockney

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LAHNDAHN. The Grand Canary. Beelzebub’s Toothpick. Queen Lizzie’s Pisspot. The Gray Sneeze. Captain Concrete. Poundland Prime. Pintmageddon. The Unhealthy Onion. Johnson’s Jungle. Arduous Mode Paris. Disneyland Excessive. Fumes-on-Thames. 4 Weddings and a Canine Combat. Sir Rentalot. Pigeon Purgatory. The Massive Piss. The Massive Vape. The Massive Snort. Barbara Windsor’s Native. No Elephants, Some Castles. Canary Wharfare.

No matter you name it, we name it FACKED.

This metropolis’s correct moths, and when you’re gurna final a day right here with out getting completely dannied, you’re gurna have to soak up loads of the outdated pie n’ eels sharpish, ain’t yer? Fortunately, we’ve ready this helpful little Bonnie & Clyde (information) that can assist you be taught the bins and shouts (ins and outs) of futuristic cockney patter. So dive in, smart up, and fill yer gurning brutes (boots) with phrases. Oh, and don’t go forgetting your cumberland and getting your self Englished by a crew of Ronalds down on the Shark Pit, yeah?

Watch Canines Legion: a vacationer’s information to the vernacular of future London

A pleasant glug of Fruitopia – Non-political post-brexit dystopia.

“Fackin ‘ell Charlie, I would like a bladdy glug o’ the outdated fruits, pronto. And go straightforward on the politics, will yer? No must ‘ave a fackin assume, is there.”

Eccles Cake – Police state.

“Welcome to the resistance, you fackin cahnt. Now get on the market on the outdated Uber Eats (streets) and stick it to the bloomin’ Eccles.”

The Previous Pie ‘n’ Eels – Information.

“Get on that fackin terminal, you daft muppet, and obtain as a lot of the outdated pie ‘n’ eels as you fackin can.”

Electrical Eel – Taser.

“Hotbox the ravens, geez, that nana’s solely packing a bleedin’ eel!”

My Previous Man’s an Eel Salesman – Excessive calibre assault weapon. (Also referred to as a ‘Gary’ -> Oldman -> ‘my outdated man’ and many others)

“Proper then you definately prick, seize your self a Gary and go wreck a pint of yop (cop)”

Jellied eels – Ludo-narrative dissonance.

“Maintain up Kim, I would like a breather – that cutscene’s given me a foul case of the jellies”

Moths – Fluttery Bugs -> Totally Fucked.

“You gained’t get twenty yards in that stolen taxi mate, it’s correct moths!”

Dustman’s Groan – Drone.

“Bleedin’ Nora, the air’s fulla dustman’s groans at the moment. Whirly cahnts.”

Leggy Dustman – Little spider robotic.

“We’ll by no means get into that cop store, it’s crawling with naughty geezers!”
“Don’t you are worried, my little tin of beans, I’ve bought this ‘ere leggy dustman to type them proper aht”

The Cockney’s Remedy-all – Satirical mural.

“You popping out to smash the muffins tonight, chief?”
“Nah mate, bought a half-dozen cure-alls to color on this shitty little bit of fence first, ainneye?”

Mitchells – Massive, round-headed pub males.

“Don’t go down stubsbrooke road my outdated mucker, it’s swarming with fackin Mitchells.”

Rowdy Ronalds – Closely-armoured fascist mercenaries.

“The fackin state of him, mate. Appears like he simply went ten rounds with a squad of Rowdy Ronalds.”

Mushy Peas – Free DLC.

“Ain’t you bought every other hats you’ll be able to placed on, you low-cost cahnt? ‘ere, take this cup of mushy peas”

Mushy Peas, Additional Cheese Please, Geeze – Premium DLC.

“Can’t I ‘ave that lavvly hat you’re sporting?”
“I ought to fackin cocoa, you rotten ant. I paid good cash for these Mushy Peas, Additional Cheese Please, Geeze.”

Full English Breakfast – Cool transfer the place you kick somebody behind the knee then make them shoot themselves within the bum with their very own gun.

“Go on Sandra, sneak in around the ham and cheese snack (again) and serve ’em a full English”

Bollocksed up the Breakfast – Phrase used to precise your disappointment while you realise stated transfer was fabricated for the needs of the presentation.

“What the fack do you name that Kenneth? You simply fackin decked him. You’ve gone and bollocksed up the breakfast!”

Flappy Michaels – Union Jack flags.

“If there’s one factor to learn about Lahndhan tahn, it’s that each road’s awash in Flappy Michaels”

Cumberland Sausage – Massive masks of a pig smoking a cigar that you simply put on to guard your id.

“Oi! You there with the Cumberland! Gerroverere and undergo a fackin stawberry flan (scan)”

A Danny – A lifeless individual (ie, a Danny Die-er.).

“He’s ‘advert a fackin Danny!”, “‘alf the squad’s correct fackin’ danned up.”

Permadannied – Permadead.

“What ‘appened to punchy Dean?”
“Permadannied, you soppy cahnt. We’re gurna want a brand new baked beans professional”

Primrose Hill – Weed laced with fentanyl.

“You gorrany Primrose mate, I’m FAHKIN GAGGIN for it.”

Thinky Beezer – Aware synthetic intelligence. 

“Cor, who’s that cahnt on the radio? Seems like a fackin tin newsreader.”
“Nah mate, he’s a fackin’ thinky beezer innit, bought wires for a noggin.”

Shiny Shark Pit – Camden Market.

“Piss, I’m out of hare and hounds (rounds) for my salesman”
“You wanna get yerself down the sharky, swiftish”

My Nan – Actually simply my Nan mate. One thing humorous about that?

“My nan’s bought a shooter”

“Bulldog’s knackers” – Laptop Hacker.

“Nip down Oxford road and gerrus a brand new bulldog, would yer? Sonya’s permadannied.”

Ian Beale – Any character who lasts the size of the marketing campaign with out getting killed off, typically met with the response ‘what, he’s nonetheless right here?’

“Kenneth’s a bladdy Beale? I don’t imagine yer, thought he’d copped a Full English again on the Sharky”

Crown Jewels – Premium Loot Field.

“Cease fackin round and get yerself some crownies – you’ll by no means get yerself a correct cumberland simply with mushies”

Tasteful Slap – Iconic baseball cap.

“Don’t fack round with Massive Percy, he’s gorrimself a slap”

Proper, that’s all there’s. Worreryer nonetheless doing ‘ere for, you SLAAAHG? You on Primrose or summin? I’ve fished leggys out the Thames with extra sense than you. So piss off and provides the Ronalds a style of your Oldman, earlier than I feed yer to the Mitchells.

See our E3 2019 tag for extra information, previews, opinions, and more and more surreal liveblogs.

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